Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
