I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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