i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
