I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
