She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
