i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
