dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
