That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
