based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
