soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like iHOP with fire
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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