No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
