every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I still have a little drunk in my system
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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