I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
