Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
