I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
