I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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