Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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