I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
