I wish my penis had an off switch
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
