Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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