So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
