You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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