I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
