i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
