I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
