Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
