You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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