Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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