sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
