Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
