Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
