Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
