i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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