So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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