i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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