I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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