We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
