my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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