I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
