Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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