capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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