dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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