i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
