I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
