This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
