eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
