I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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