using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
