Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
