similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
