i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
