I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
