he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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