dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
